I had a new job offer in Bangkok that is intriguing, but after through and through consideration I decided not to take it. I started to appreciate my current job, no traffic, quiet life, good salary, I got a lot of holiday that I still don't know how to spend them. I think human are always like that. when they don't have holiday they dream of it when they have a lot of it.They got bored.
Well, I broke up with my french boyfriend, the love of my life, around April, after 3 years together but we physically parted at the beginning of June. At the end of last year he moved to Thailand tried to find a way to be with me. Then the more time he spent here the more he realized it wouldn't out for him here. He hates the country it drove him and his OCD nuts. He realized he will never find the job he like here. He hate the way things work here. And the more we spend time together he realized I'm also too messy for him. So we broke up. It was hard. I felt lost without him.
And my support system is very poor. Most of my friends are very busy working, nobody around, my work timetable is also crazy that doesn't leave me time to grieve properly. So I turn to a quick fix, online dating. First guy I went out with is a PhD grad in Law, he is teaching part-time in King's College. He is smart, bold and funny. Sound amazing, right? Turned out he is a fucking liar! He lie about his name, his age, his height, his nationality. He also confess that he has a sex addiction and can't commit to a monogamous relationship. So I ran fast.
The next guy is way older than me, like 16 years older. He told me he own a dealership of X-ray machine here. And he is into a long-term relationship, also monogamous, No kids. Sound good, right? So I started dating him despite the hugh age gap. This man know a way to win my heart, he know what i want to hear. He gave great advises. And he want a future with me. So I fall fast and hard. Guess what happened! After the first month he loss his credit card and wallet, he started to borrow my money and I gave him unconditionally. But he seem to have hugh amount of expenses during the 2 weeks that he tried to fix his money situation. So I started question his honesty. And he took that as a way to take a break from me. He don't come to see me for a month but still texting everyday saying how much he miss me and love me. Then yesterday I have a mysterious call from a woman, who claimed that she is his wife they also have 2 kids together. She bring him to see me, she beat her husband pretty bad. He seem submissive in front of her. He just standing there like a mute, no apology, no explanation came from his mouth, he barely look at me. The wife said he is an alcoholics who never works and she has to pay for everything. And there is no way I will get my money back. I just stand there like a mute too. How can I be such a fool? I feel sorry for the man, his wife. But I'm grateful that I didn't waste more time and money or my life with this man.
You see...It wasn't a good year for me at all in term of love. I feel hopeless.
I feel so lonely.
I ask myself everyday is this how my life suppose to be?
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